Nocturna

Within a period of four months I lost my job (12 year tenure) and separated from my wife (13 years) all while in midst of suffering from a long term depression that I’ve held for as long as I can remember.  Living in Sydney (one of the world’s most expensive cities), I felt suddenly felt very vulnerable and fears of both literal and metaphorical homelessness permeated my consciousness like a dense fog.  For years I have struggled to maintain meaningful friendships (partially due to my nomadic nature) and lasting functional relationships.  As a child, I was the kid that was not invited to play by the other kids.  I was never popular.  My long term feelings of exclusion were suddenly heightened and magnified when I had lost the keys to my financial and emotional security.  I felt abandoned and at the same time I felt my anguish was invisible to others.  I was left with the notion that I would not have a warm happy place or future and that I would be relegated to scavenging for survival.